By Muiruri Gathu
For the couple Ngobo and Sylvia, the day began as a normal one and so they anticipated it would come to an end. After breakfast they engaged in a series of recreational activities including jogging, swimming and tennis playing to horse riding, badminton and chess. Needless to say that they’re people who’d ‘farmed’ or ‘people with their things’ as their neighbours fondly put it.
After being strewn to three successive sets of badminton, the embarrassment was too much for Ngobo to carry on. He thus suggested that they take a drive in the woods in their expansive six-hundred acres piece of land.
Their land was more of a game/national park than an individual piece of land. It was home to a variety of wildlife like antelopes, gazelles, rhinos, elephants among other wild herbivores and thus poachers would frequent it quite often.
When group of these hunters saw the couple’s Land Rover approach, they abandoned their hard-earned meat that was already boiling in a huge sufuria and disappeared in the woods. Certainly, they knew the consequences if the couple laid their hands on a bunch of god-for-nothing hunters who were to deplete their land of what was always so close to their hearts and minds-conservation and biodiversity.
Their reputation of frame in the use of tools manufactured by Arsene Venger’s men from England was unequalled or unrivalled in their locality. Such experience had earned them the nickname trigger-happy-couple (C.H.T) which was colloquially translated as a can they (useless folks) hide?
The barbaric, heartless Ngobos
The poachers also knew how barbaric or heartless the Ngobo could be. The Ngobos also operated a lions’ zoo in the same farm. One day they caught a hungry ten-year old boy who was in search of wild fruits in their farm. They claimed he was a poacher (though no weapons or hunting dogs were recovered from him) and as a punitive measure they threw him to the lions. As lioness went for the boy’s throat and the other one for the belly and the third one for the genitals, the Ngobos flashed out their expensive Samsung cameras and captured the moment. They’d later upload these images into their laptops and use them as screen savers.
On another occasion a lioness strayed out its cage and killed a woman. When the local community demanded an explanation from the lions’ keepers, they’d this to say.
“Why on earth should anyone blame us on something we’d nothing to do with? Why don’t you petition the guy responsible for the poor lady’s death? In any case how do you judge that the lion that killed her was mine?” they sarcastically replied.
In a nutshell you have a good picture of why the hunters had to leave behind their juicy antelope meat in spite of the fact that they were terribly hungry and saliva was uncontrollably oozing from their mouths.
The sumptuous smell from the sufuria
Now the Land Rover stopped beside the cooking meat and as the couple alighted armed with their pistols trained on their pursuits, they’re hit by a strong whiff of the sumptuous smell from the sufuria. They became alluring. The meat was fully cooked and Ngobo made for the fattest piece-his favourite choice and was about to bite a mouthful when Sylvia sounded the alarm.
“Stop it darl! I saw one of them pour some white powder into this meat as they were disappearing. It could be very well poison,” she warned.
But Ngobo who was as greedy as the hyena protested claiming it was salt that he poacher had added but Sylvia the stubborn woman always won contest against her husband would hear none of it and stood to her ground.
“Do you want greed to send you to an early grave? I’m not ready to be a widow in my fortieth year when life has just begun for me. Besides the poison, this animal very well have been ill with a deadly disease and hasn’t been inspected,” she curtly but seriously explained. Ngobo obliged grudgingly much to her relief.
Yet the aroma was overwhelmingly and even tough Sylivia bought Ngobo’s suggestion that they carry the meat home and try it on their dog. But Sylvia who was dog hateful and phobic quickly vetoed the suggestion of using the dog as their guinea pig arguing it was greedy and would orphan their two teenage children who were studying abroad and instead she suggested the cat.
She had always extolled the cat’s virtues and explained that there was unwritten rule among her people that the cat could never eat anything harmful. Ngobo agreed.
The cat guzzled down one piece after another and after three hours, it was still alive and well. They were now at liberty to have a go at the cooked wild game and the creamy, thick soup. They ate with relish or like refugees.
Soon their bellies were full and they settled down for a couple of glasses of wine as they watched a soap opera on the television. They were going about it happily when a neighbor rushed into their dinning room.
Why the stupid haste
“Why on earth should you enter without knocking and in such stupid haste,” Ngobo thundered.
“It is the cat,” the neighbor replied.
“What about it?” asked Sylvia with raised eyebrows, reddened face, and her hair assuming an upward position?
“D……..D……..it is dead,” the neighbor finally managed to say.
The couple stared at each other mournfully and started crying uncontrollably. The clock was surely ticking towards the grave and the hereafter. But amidst this crying, Ngobo managed to say something.
“Sweetheart, I couldn’t leave this beautiful world without confessing to you that I’ve been having a four year old affair with your sister Gloria. I want to confess now so that I can be forgiven by my Lord, so that I wouldn’t find the heavens gate locked. Please forgive me.
“Don’t worry darling! I’m not any better and may Lord have mercy on my dirty, poor and sinful soul. I too have been having a five-year affair with Jack our driver. Find it in your heart to forgive me please,” she implored him.
At this point, the puzzled neighbor could hardly understand the Ngobo’s startling behavior and he therefore challenged them.
Don’t be ridiculous you guys. I can’t believe that you are driving yourself crazy with wailing just because of a mere pet. My son Andrew ran it over but since he was so scared of facing you, for he knew it was dear to you; he sent me to apologize on his behalf. He also offered to buy you another one,” he explained.