Seriously Guilty, Part Two

Seriously Guilty, Part Two

If you missed Part One.. Get it here

By Kemboi Victor

Our stopover was at Nakuru. Though I was really pressed and badly needed to go to the washroom, I feared that leaving Juliet in the bus with Clare was risking my relationship with her, so I decided to convince her to go with me.

“Can we go for a short call honey, the journey is still long,” I suggested. Juliet did not hesitate. She too wanted to use the washrooms.

We left, but Clare followed us. I don’t know whether she was also pressed or she just wanted to have a short moment with Juliet and ruin my reputation. Here, I decided to alert Juliet not listen to any word from Clare, the moron. She was just a liar, a good for nothing admirer who was not going to win my heart even with witchcraft.

After visiting the gents, I came back to the bus, and waited for Juliet. I was worried that perhaps in her anger, Claire would show Juliet my photos with Claire from her phone, especially the randy ones which we took in my cottage sometime ago.

I waited with bated breath but was reassured walked in a few minutes later smiling. Clare walked about two minutes later looking restless, her eyes now red like she had gone to the washroom to cry rather than for a call. She walked in and sat in her space, and we all waited for the journey to resume.

I almost felt like soothing her to forget about the pains and make her happy. I felt like I had hurt her beyond my expectations. But what could I do? I decided to call her and explain myself over a cup of coffee the following day if possible, to help her recover.

We finally arrived in Nairobi. As I was about to leave with Juliet, who by now had shown some little anger on her face, Clare pulled me back and handed me an envelope.

“Open it!” She ordered, I blatantly refused. It could be a pregnancy test results, or so I guessed. However, she refused to let my hand go.

“Ah, it’s getting cold out here, let’s see what is inside and leave,” Juliet said grabbing the envelope. I felt instantly weak that I almost sat on the ground.

Her face turned with surprise, then shock

Juliet opened the envelope and took out the piece of paper. She unfolded it and read it. Suddenly, her face turned with surprise, then shock. She gave me the sheet of the paper and looked at Clare and then me, and clicked angrily.

“Pregnant!” I exclaimed. “But how am I supposed to be concerned?” I asked Clare as if I was sure that the pregnancy wasn’t mine.

“It’s yours,” she said whimpering.

“No way! How, and why?” I asked her.

In a way there was some truth, she could tell. I could see that hell had already confirmed but I decided I was going to deny the pregnancy, at least for now to save my relationship with Juliet, and then find Clare someday, probably from the following day and discuss the matter out. I took the pregnancy test results sheet, put it back to the envelope, and handed it to her. She refused to take it back. However, I slapped her with the envelope and forced it into her hands. She took it, with a stream of tears down her face and started walking away.

“You won’t see me again in your life,” she said.

Whatever action she had decided to take, I didnt ask.

Juliet now understood it better. I was responsible for Clare’s pregnancy.

“What do you take me for Gerald? A fool or a good for nothing brat?” She asked angrily. “I knew you were lying. You’ve been lying to me and going round the town impregnating girls, kwani you are a bull?” she asked.

I tried moving towards her to embrace and calm her down but she slapped me angrily and took her bag, leaving in tears too. She warned me not to follow her, unless I wanted her to shout that I was attempting to rob her in the streets and call the police. Wherever she was going to, I didn’t confirm. Whatever action she had decided to take, I didn’t ask.

I remained there standing with regrets and confusion. It looked like I had lost both Clare and Juliet that night. I looked at my phone clock and realized it was 9.32 pm. I decided to go to my house and think about my next course of action.

I arrived in Embakasi some minutes past ten. But now, I had contemplated so much on finding Clare and take responsibility for the pregnancy. I called her but she hung up. Severally, this happened but I decided not to stop calling until she picked it. I wanted her to forgive me, so I sent her a text message.

Juliet had filled my inbox with insults: a useless frog, a village bull, an artificial inseminator… Though painful, I regretted seeing her leave me on the day we had agreed to start living together. I felt so stupid for I wasn’t able to convince her to stay. I even felt ashamed of myself.

Clare didn’t pick any of my calls, nor did she reply to any of my text messages that night. I became so stressed. In the morning I had become more stressed that I decided to buy some bottles of beer to gulp until I felt better. I didn’t mind my phone again.

I got drunk quickly and fell asleep some hours later. I woke up in the afternoon. But still, Clare could not leave my mind despite the many bottles of beer I had emptied to block her out of my mind. A hangover had already set in, instead.

I had to find Clare to stop this no matter what, I decided. Some of her friends in Githurai, were known to me and perhaps they were going to help me in finding her, and explaining to her my remorse. I phoned Gladys, her best friend who could perhaps help me patch things up with Clare, and requested for a meeting with her that afternoon in her house. She welcomed me and I went. True to her word, she waited for me.

I had to find Clare to stop this no matter what

For a long time I discussed the matter with her until late in the evening and cried for her to help me. At some point she told me to carry my own cross and fix my mess but after a long while, she decided she was going to give it a try and straighten out my mess.

But was Clare going to listen? Gladys wondered. She had been communicating with Clare and she was certain that she was so distressed and unwilling to forgive like she had said the previous evening.

We embarked on the search mission nonetheless. Where was Clare at that time? Gladys said she was in her new house and so we headed there. I could feel the actions of the previous night were so painful for Clare to take and I doubted if she was going to forgive me.

We arrived at her house shortly and the moment I saw her, I felt relieved and went down on my knees asking for forgiveness. There I explained what had happened since last night and promised to take her with me and care for her, if she accepted me back. If she felt like it, I was going to go with her that night to my house, and provide care for her until she delivered.

She did not listen to me either but ordered me out of her house. Continue dating your ‘sweetheart’, she sneered at me. Being late in the evening, Gladys asked me to obey her orders, so she could talk to her later.

“All will be well,” she told me, laughing.

I realized I was seriously guilty. But nevertheless, I had to leave everything to her and hope she will do as she had promised.

I left in despair asking myself lots of questions. What if Clare had truly decided to keep her stand? Would I have her back?

Day one slid away, but no word from Gladys to give me hope came. Clare was still unable to make her mind up, she would say.

I waited, though attempting to call her daily, periodically. I would also phone her but she wouldn’t pick my calls. One evening, after attempting to reach her severally, she sent me a message:

I am not ready to love you again, you are a beast. I am sorry, but we have to end it this way.

The next time I send her a message, it went undelivered. Her number wasn’t going through again. The thought of having Juliet back returned but I could not understand where. I felt it was my wickedness and egocentrism that had put me at crossroads. I had been so wicked to both Clare and Juliet and I deserved it, I thought. Then I resolved to call it quits and pay my price. I was going to be single again.

As the saying goes, one cannot serve two masters at once. Two lovers cannot be loved at once either. I realized that I had lost the mission and I regretted. Even as I write this, I still want Clare back, but I cannot find her. I know she has my child but I am too guilty to win her back. What can I do?


© Kemboi Victor



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